The chihuahua story

I have always been very fond of dogs - so fond that in second grade dad got me a 15 day old pomeranian puppy and that led me to barely scraping through my science exam the following day. Well! I had to get back home to play with the pup and in the excitement I didn't notice that the question paper was printed on both sides.

I have had a keen interest in dogs hence I tried to keep myself abreast on the breeds found in India. Ofcourse the list starts with the street dog to be found in plenty, pomererian and german shepherd being other commonly spoken about - if a house had dogs, in those times when I was a kid, it had to be one of these breeds . And then by the time i passed out of school i was familiar with and had seen alsatian, bull dog, dalmatian, and doberman - though these are not commonly found. Note that then any dog which was short and had white long hair was termed pomererian. There was no concept of maltese or shih tsu etc. And then I became aware of the existence of labrador, golden retriever, hush puppy dogs - besset hound. I was proud (and overjoyed) to have seen St Bernard by my mid 20s.

And then one day at work I and a colleague, both based in India, were in the middle of a very serious discussion about an important program with our colleague in US. Suddenly our colleague on US screamed 'Give me a second. My chihuahua is biting my laptop battery charger cord.' And while she took care of her dog, me and my colleague went on a wild goose chase to find out about this species unknown to us. We guessed it was a kind of mouse given the hindi term for mouse is 'chuha', only to discover it was a dog breed.

And here I am today, about a year later living in US, seeing chihuahua with every other dog owner ... and it dawns on me that my colleague probably wasnt cognizant about the state of affairs in India when it came to dog breeds.

Cultural awareness comes in different packages - once it came termed chihuahua for me.

Existential questions...

Been trying very hard, but can't shake this thought of my head for weeks now... The thought of life being a meaningless chase to the grave.

What motivates people to go to work, to try and outperform others, work really really hard to make money and then spend all that money living a life, bringing kids into this world who'll end up in the futile race to their end, and so will they themselves. Our parents made sacrifices to bring us up and to fend for themselves right till they reach the finish line... And we'll do exactly the same. And so will every generation.

Trying to think about all this like I were watching a movie is fascinating but knowing I'm in it too is thoroughly disturbing. I wish most of the times that i could clear my head of these thoughts... But it isn't so simple when it's so evident. It's a race that I have been pushed into and I have no option to run till my finish line.

But what about the life that may not be in it.. Is it depriving them of this exciting roller coaster ride or saving them all the trouble. I don't know, and I don't know if anyone does - I seriously wish there was. Probably it's simpler to take the plunge and flow with it.

on people in our offices... Part I - Only if the pieces fit together

You grow if that helps your boss grow...

You stay if your company or boss needs you...

You get staffed into good roles cause (You are good - that's your illusion) you are needed in the role..

and the moment these pieces don't fit together - you are replaced.

This is an important lesson of corporate life. The SOUR TRUTH.  And it's important not to forget this every day you pick your bag and leave for the office that feels like home Or log onto your laptops connecting to the virtual world of friends and well wishers (which you also when overflowing with emotions call family but who are mostly just colleagues ).

And today I am in the mood to delve deeper into this subject and share some experiences.

There are two kinds of people@work 1) Like my husband 2) Like me

The one like my husband keep a track of every ounce of energy spent on office and ensure they are appropriately compensated. The control is in their hands. They believe in the 'REAL' world -- politics, back stabbing, playing with words, planning and plotting. And it turns out, they have things their way.

And the one's like me have a blind faith in the fairness of the system. You get adequately compensated for what you put in is their mantra.  Alas only to find out it's not so. But they console themselves, continue to reassure themselves that what they receive is what they deserve - however deceiving that may sound. And they often tell themselves that ''My wonderful supervisor  is making the world go round to ensure I am adequately rewarded and am happy". Not ever doubting and wondering how the rewards coincide with you being in two roles, since your colleague is going on maternity leave or has just resigned, yet delivering to your teams or bosses committed goals. Not ever questioning your Boss when s/he mentions the effort they put in to get you the rewards totally surpassing the super late nights and very early mornings and family feuds you dealt with while ensuring the project was impeccably executed. All in the pursuit of not wavering from your values and belief in the fairness of the world.

Someone told me once - We don't choose our parents and that choice doesn't always seem fair... How can we then assume that the world is a fair place when the beginning of our life isn't a fair start.

Eventually, irrespective of which category of people@work you belong to - probably the end point of your careers may be very similar. However each choice comes with it's disadvantages and you have to be prepared to deal with them.

I would be keen to hear from you on the choices you made - that will may be help me make my choices. So please do share.

on people in our offices...

There are all kinds of people in our workplaces... the boss - the ones that suck every ounce of life, and then ones that are nice... the colleagues - friendly, nosy, unlike you.... team members - miffed, Dil Mange More

.... to be ctd.

a step towards making life easier for girl child and women...

Let me start with a disclaimer - I have no practical knowledge on this topic, and I'm writing today to curb the feeling that has been stirred up by some recent news reports esentially from Times of India - my recent source of connect to all that's happening in India (not the stockmarket ofcourse, I stay away from news my mind can't comprehend).

The other day a girl in Delhi was raped, and then in Kolkatta and then .... it's endless! Women get raped, they go through the trauma of what happens to them and if that wasn't enough - there is little support from police, judiciary - you name it.

But why do women get raped, why do women get beaten up, why do women have to face all that they do today at hands of men. And how much do men appreciate women! Where does the root of all this issue lie?

To me and at this point of time it feels like bringing up a boy child with the right value system could lead solve a lot of our problems. I'm not being judgemental, and I am not retaliating to the common belief atleast in India that "a girl child need to be brought up in a certain faishion coz she takes the family forward" - all I am thinking about is if every parent or school teacher takes a step towards ensuring that they help their boy understand that a women in not just an object of desire (the pretty girl in school who I have to absolutely date and if i can't i'll try to have her by other means) if parents can help them understand that this may not be so important, an object of supression - it's my way on the highway since I'm physically stronger (emotionally weaker but i won't admit and may be I don't know coz she sheds the tears) and that doing those daily chores at home or attending to kids isn't a taboo and if your mother was treated in a not so good way you learn to treat your better half NOT like that.....the list can be long and if everyone takes a tiny step misery in lives of multiple women/girls can be reduced.

Infact let me not make it sound like an alien concept which has never touched my life - I have been through it in small measures too. Yes even those brushes on the bustling trains or public transport, those  scanning eyes - they were so traumatic as a child - they shook me and made me seethe in anger for being treated like an object. As I grew up I learnt to protect myself but why do we have to? 

And some closing thoughts to parents or teachers of girl childs - teach her to be a little kick ass, let her get used to little bit of that profanity - growing up in a nice protected world is going to make it tougher for her to face reality. Remember - she is going to have to rub shoulders with all kids of men so better start that training today.

I wish everyone takes a step towards making the world a better place - it's not just the air, the poor children who need eduction and food - making living easy every day for a women is equally important coz it touches the life of every women.

This makes me feel lighter and i'll promise myself to do all I can to make any difference I can in every possible way.

*  Boys also go through all kinds of traumatic experiences however I choose to write about a more prevelant issue today.

Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaan nahin miltaa...

....Kahin zameen to kahin aasmaan nahin miltaa (word to word translation in english - no one ever gets the entire universe ...ssomewhere the earth and somewhere the sky is missing)


These lines have been rattling in my head non stop since the past week.... I owe it to the tumultuous times in my life.


Hey but on hindsight... 'mukammal jahan' is what i define for myself - what do you say? If I don't know to balance work and life, and at one point in time of life i only work and another point i feel hopeless about loosing it - claiming it to be the only exciting thing i had - who is to blame?


Who complains about having all the time in life - to go back to a long forgotten hobby, to get started at something you've wished for long, to be able to travel to places and experience different cultures, to be able to read - fiction/non fiction/world affairs, to be able to spend so much time with family and dote on one's husband.


Ever thought about your life like that... incomplete and so unhappy - re look at what you think completes it and makes you happy. Mostly either you already have it and never noticed or didn't realize when you did have. It's also possible that you don't know what makes you happy - then you have a serious problem and deep thinking to do my friend.


I am no sage... but having these conversations with myself keeps me sane.


On that note - i have been feeling very angry with some people this week, coz i think they let me down  and have been very selfish - but i have concluded that it's my good deeds that have always stood by me and i shall live my life by the principles i have coz that's what's best for me. I shall hold onto this thought... and more on this in my next blog.
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let me complete the shayari tho so that you don't have to go hunting for the rest of it...with a literal english translation ... copied from http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?t=58347


jise bhii dekhiye vo apane aap mein gum hai
jubaan milii hai magar humjubaan nahi milataa

Whoever you see is lost in their own sorrow
They have thoughts to share but no companion to listen


bujhaa sakaa hai bhalaa kaun vaqt ke shole
ye aisii aag hai jisame dhuaan nahiin milataa

Who is able to douse the embers of time
This is a fire that has no smoke


tere jahaan mein aisaa nahiin ki pyaar na ho
jahaan ummiid ho isakii vahaan nahiin milataa

It's not like there's no love in your life (universe)
Where you hope for it you won't find it there

What's it like... leading a team...

I am transitioning out of my current role, one that I enjoyed so much and which gave me such a high - but well this is not about me.


It's about the team - the team that I was leading.


As they move onto being aligned into a new supervisor I was reflecting on what basic principles does one use when leading a team. The analogy which came to my mind was that of a child learning to walk... it actually does fit very well... in fact a child’s growing process.


Like a child, you give them a hand to help them learn to walk, and then you experiment with letting them walk on their own for short distances - supporting whenever you think they may loose balance. They eventually learn to walk and then run... and you let them, yet not let them out of your sight. And then they gain mastery at what they are doing, just like the child goes through teenage and adolescence. They want their independence, bigger playing grounds and find new paths - and they need to be allowed to do so, the way a child ventures out - builds his/her own world. And parents let them do it, coz they know that the child is now capable of dealing with the consequences.


It's very fulfilling to have led a set of good people.  It’s a lot of learning and a mutual growing process.